Not so easy, uh?

I still cry when I have to talk about it. It still hurts remembering all the events that led to that moment.
I wish I could joke about it, but I have never been able to. I can joke about everything else, but never about that.
I still choke on my words when trying to speak, and it's weird because I really want to tell you, but some part of me thinks that it would be so difficult, so damaging for me, so stressful to relive all that maybe it's not worth it. It's not worth investing my time and emotional energy in telling things to someone who is so volatile, who could leave at any minute. It's just not worth it.
But I have already practiced, and in those simulations, I still cannot end the story without crying...