Just another game

Writing to you seems so ridiculous, why should I do it when I can speak?

But I can't. You still seem so distant to me, despite having you so close. I still feel like I could burn just by touching you.

I would love to enter your head, read every thought, be surprised by your ideas, savor every memory, only the ones we shared though. I don't need your past, just your present.

So, can I ask? What do you really want from me? What is the reason for maintaining this bond? Did you already get what you wanted, or do you want more?

Knowing I'm so vulnerable makes me uncomfortable, knowing that if you ask me for something, I would do it, knowing that if you call me, I would go. In the end, everything seems unbearable.

I know my worth, I know what I deserve, but still, my mind only thinks of you. With this constant curiosity, knowing that I could get hurt and yet I want more, I'm in an infinite loop that I can't escape. And your silence is agony.

Is it wrong to give myself like this? With eyes closed? Should I feign even more indifference? In these power games, no one taught me how to win, and it's not surprising because I always lose, I always lose.