Then, again...

At the beginning, it felt like first love
the anxiety, the expectations, the nerves.
Even the idealization seemed childish.
Then came the uncertainty,
the not knowing,
and my chest would ache at the thought of losing you,
until it just went numb.

Now it’s new.
Now it’s the honeymoon phase.
It seems like, with us, nothing is normal.
Nothing has an order, nothing a pattern.
Things just happen,
like life.
They just happen
like you and me,
the unmatchable people who ended up together.

Remembering the past,
In every crowd, in every dark space,
I could find you without wanting to.
I could watch you even when I tried to avoid you,
when I was blind to everything but you.

I was always so drawn to you,
so attached to the thought of you being mine someday,
of us belonging to each other,
of joining our hands and touching our lips.

When I fell in love,
I was so scared of those feelings.
Even then, I held on to the hope that this could work.
And even when I shed tears,
I still had hope.

And I’m grateful for that
for waiting,
for being patient.

Because now,
I couldn’t be happier.
Now that we are together,
and everything has sorted itself out,
it just feels so natural,
like breathing.

And I’ve realized
you became my oxygen...