Bittersweat

A test of time,
a test of patience,
a test of wanting to destroy
yet refusing to become violent.

A test of so many things,
and I feel as though I'm failing
every single one of them.

I feel small.

Sometimes I feel so lonely,
as though I have to fight this battle alone,
to endure everything
without being able to tell anyone.

I feel cold,
as though winter has already begun
to steal the warmth from my soul.

I know.
I know.

None of this is easy.

I just want a hug,
someone to hold me for a while,
and a quiet voice telling me
that everything will be okay.

Today is one of those days
when I wish I could forget everything
and simply begin again.

I knew the path I chose.
I knew the decisions I made.

But it's becoming harder
not to cry.

Harder not to believe
that I somehow deserve this.

For being foolish.

For being useless.

For being naive.

I'm sorry, me.
Today isn't my day.
But tomorrow
doesn't have to be today again.